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Atheism caught my eye in mid-January. Before then, I had always pictured atheists as stubborn 20-something intellectuals who, in their perceived invincibility, thought themselves smarter and better than believers. True, some atheists fit this description. But in January I met the de-converts via the blogging world. These atheists had once been church-going believers who for various reasons began to doubt and eventually rejected deism altogether. They had been among us.
And to be quite honest, this scared me. How is it possible that someone who had known the love of Jesus would willingly walk away? My mind couldn’t grasp it. Once I got past the intellectual arguments, what I found was that for many of these people, God simply wasn’t there for them when they needed Him. And at this pivotal point, doubt entered in — doubt about the Bible being one of the biggies. Without the Bible, Christianity falls apart (at least for us modern-day believers who did not actually see Jesus in the flesh). And what scared me the most is that this could happen to any one of us, even me.
I prayed all that week, and on a Friday night I asked my small group to pray with me — to pray for a particular deconvert who seemed lodged in my spirit, for me, and just for belief in general. I was beginning to think that maybe I was obsessed and should let it go, until the next day.
It was just a regular Saturday. After we ate breakfast as a family, my 6-year old daughter went into the other room to play and color. After a while she brought us something she had been writing. This isn’t unusual for her — she has always loved letters and words, and frequently writes sweet things to us like “I Love Mom” or “I love Dad.” She almost always asks us to help her spell things, and her pictures and words are always very positive. So imagine my shock when she brought me my Christian devotional book, and on the cover she had written “I do NOT bilef in this book.”
I asked her what it meant, and she said it means she doesn’t believe. So my husband said, “Sweetie, do you know what this book is about?” and she said no. He said, “It’s about God.” And her face was shocked, and she grabbed the pen and crossed out the words. I tried to remember if she had heard me talking about belief with our small group the night before, but she had been upstairs playing with her friends during our prayer time. Was this a coincidence, or something else?
The next morning I prayed for God to give me insight, and the name “Unbelief” came to me. Not doubt, but Un-Belief — the undoing of belief. And so I prayed for specific scripture verses, to use against this spirit named “Unbelief” (one of our offensive weapons for spiritual warfare is the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, from Ephesians 6:17). And the following verses came to mind:
“I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I come that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.” John 10:9-10.
I’ll let you make your own conclusions about this. It COULD have been a coincidence. But for me it was a reminder that the enemy doesn’t play nice.
I’m frustrated with Easter today. Every Easter we hear about this wonderful thing that happened at the Cross, about the forgiveness of sins and the resurrection of Jesus. And every Easter there’s a group of people at church I’ve never seen before, and likely will not see again. And then tomorrow we will all go back to our regular lives, while the bunnies and hidden eggs, the pretty dresses and unscuffed shoes fade in our memories.
Isn’t this what happened, when Jesus said He would return? They believed Him, you know. The New Testament writers thought that He really meant it, that Jesus would come back for them in that one final victory. But time went on, and regular life took over. The prophecy faded, and now to modern ears sounds as believable as the Easter bunny.
As I read the Bible, both the Old and New Testaments urge us to yearn for that day when our faith shall become sight. The final victory. Easter isn’t the end of the story, it’s not the whole picture! An important part, to be sure. Without the resurrection, what Jesus did wouldn’t matter one bit. But it seems to me that the rest of the story hinges on His return. Do you believe He’s coming back?
It was about three years ago when I began praying for spiritual eyes. And while I didn’t really know what “spiritual eyes” would do for me, I had a deep conviction that our physical world isn’t the real thing, but that the real thing goes on in the spiritual realm. And I wanted it to know more about this place, to see it. In church we call this “life by the Spirit.” But while I had read about this in my Bible I really didn’t understand what it meant.
Not long after that prayer, I went to a movie with my husband and some friends, a married couple we have known for a long time but with whom we aren’t especially close. We get together once or twice a year to catch up with each other. So during the middle of the movie I felt an overwhelming urge to pray for my friend. She is not a believer, and I assumed that’s why God wanted me to pray. As I prayed silently in my chair, the “burden” for her grew stronger, and became so strong that I felt compelled to get up and pray audibly. So I excused myself to the restroom, locked myself in the back stall, and prayed with whispers. This urgency had never happened before, but now I know it was the Holy Spirit calling me to pray.
After the movie and when my husband and I were alone again, I told him about what had happened. And then our lives went on, and months went by without me even thinking about her, except for every now and then when I would wonder why God wanted me to pray for her. Then one day out of the blue, her husband called us and said they were having some serious marriage problems, in fact they were separated and she didn’t want to be married anymore. He wanted to work it out, she didn’t.
Over the next few months I met her for lunch on a regular basis and we talked about everything. During one of our lunches, I felt compelled to tell her about that night at the movie, when I had prayed for her. It didn’t seem to make much of an impact, and I felt a little let down. I was expecting something more, like tears or a declaration of faith at least! Driving home I felt confused about why God wanted me to pray for her and then tell her about it.
When I came home from lunch I checked email, just like always. And there was a message from her, saying that she couldn’t handle talking about it at lunch, but it was during that time frame when we saw the movie that she began considering divorce and that even during the movie she thought about it. Then I was the one with tears, because I knew without a doubt that God Himself pulled me up out of that movie theater chair, so that I would pray for one of his lost children.
I wish I could say differently, but even after this revelation, she still filed for divorce. And to my knowledge, she is still not a believer. But God used me to get a message through to her: that He does care about her, and about what happens in her life. Hopefully someday that seed will begin to grow.
Since then God has been adjusting my spiritual vision and, fortunately, He has also allowed me to see some victories in the spiritual battleground.
Check back next week for more…
